Part 2 - There is more....

Now, I have definitely felt my emotion through out this whole experience. And I have even felt a sense of acceptance at times & even a deep gratitude for the many, many beautiful Gifts given me in this experience.

But, I became aware of this kind of "nothingness" or "un-feelingness". It wasn't exactly a numbness like I had felt at times. It was just something, but nothing at the same time. I didn't know what this was telling me at the time, or at least it wasn't clear for me then. I did know that it did not feel good. I live my life by the way I feel within & this was really discomforting for me.

The other thing that was really concerning to me, was how I would get so triggered by things. I would feel such a sudden, deep & intense sense of mourning, like I had at the beginning. It almost seemed like I was regressing in my processing of this experience.

So, in following my heart, I asked my Heavenly Father what it was that I needed. And I was guided & provided with exactly what I needed next.

On June 14th, Carol Tuttle did her regular weekly call-in radio show, "Living Your Truth with Carol Tuttle". With the details being so perfectly orchestrated for me, I followed the guidance I was given & listened into this call. I came in right before Carol took a live call-in from a woman who had recently experienced the loss of two of her children & of her business.

As I sat there listening, I cried tears of acknowledgment & gratitude. I knew that this call & what Carol was saying to this woman, was also a gift for me.

When I got off this call, I let my hubby know I was going for a walk! In the stillness & quiet of the beautiful area that I live, I acknowledged to my Heavenly Father & to myself, "I'm feeling it. I am really feeling it!" I then simply asked, "What do I do now?".

I realize now, that for me, this was also acknowledgment that I was willing to move on. That I was willing to progress. It turns out, this was exactly what I needed.

After this experience, I have not had anymore of those intense emotional triggered moments. I was also given a gift, even that very night, to be conscious of the fact that I have come to the acceptance & even completion with this loss. I felt such a confirming feeling & even a peaceful strengthening within me when I acknowledged this was true. When I owned it.

Why would I have reservations on moving forward? I became aware that I was indeed holding onto the suffering of this experience. And it was getting really intense so I would listen!

Now, I've been given insight into the "why's" here. At some level, I believed I still needed to suffer! Feeling that it honors & values this life if I stay here? And if I move on, it doesn't? Like it makes the whole experience more valid if I suffer longer?

In being aware of these, I simply acknowledge that they are. I just felt the feelings there. And then, I simply told the truth about it.

Which leads me into my next blog...... Yep, there is more! Read the the 3rd & final part, (which truly is only the beginning!), "Tell the truth, the whole truth."